i miss him (go back »)

i'm very sad right now and i dunno wat to do to make it go away.  this year i lost a few good friends who i thought would be in my life forever.  i guess they were never that great of friends huh because friends ARE forever?

but there is just ONE person i can't seem to let go of.  he stole my heart. you all know who i'm talking about.  i talk everyone's ears off about him.  i was/am so crazy about him.  but yeah, David Lee, i hope he reads this one day.  i doubt he will tho.

i did everything i knew to do to show him how much i cared about him and i never asked for much in return.  i never asked of anything.  all i wanted was for him to prove to me he felt the same way.  and yet in this whole year of knowing him, i gave him my heart in return for what.  i dunno wat his problem is.  he never explained.  y wouldn't he just fricken talk to me.  that's y guys r dumb.  u never tell a girl how you feel about her and then one day it's too late.  she's not going to wait forever. 

i'm very heartbroken.  i really don't know what to do.  i just want to forget about him but i know i never will. i guess the shoe is on the other foot.  you can't help who you love.  i've met great guys who i know liked me at some point but i didn't feel the same way.  there was never the *spark*.  and when i finally found the spark, it was my turn to know what it felt like to not be loved in return.

oh well, i hate that i'm rambling.  but blogging is the only way i know how to make myself cry so that i can move on.  i think i'm drowning in my own tears.  my chair is already a river full.  i'm just really hurt right now. 

maybe one day he will come across my blog.  i hope that from reading this he will understand that i really did/do like him.  i just wish he knew how to communicate his feelings back to me.  i hate that i'm not strong enough to wait for him to come around.  but that may be a long time coming if ever.  the only thing i know to do is to let him go.  move on with my life.  and hope that one day i will meet the perfect guy for me.  who will love me the way i want and need to be loved.  funny how even through a broken heart i try to be optimistic that my time will come.